Grief

I know I haven't posted in a long time, and soon I need to go back and post some of the good things that have happened to us in the past few months. But I should probably share our latest events first.
Many of you know that we have been trying for another child. It's been a year now. We've traveled to Salt Lake on numerous occasions to meet with doctors and have procedures done. We've had several unsuccessful treatments over the past year and many disappointments. Recently it was confirmed in an ultrasound that I have the condition PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which causes havoc, but pregnancy is still possible.
Anyway, I was finally able to get pregnant back in November, and last weekend at the 8 week appointment it was discovered that the pregnancy was ectopic. The fetus was stuck in my right tube and had to be removed. I had emergency surgery Friday night, and finding that my tube was about to rupture, the tube had to be removed as well. The scary thing is I had no pain, no bleeding, really no signs of trouble, except my own troubled mind that something may be wrong. If it had ruptured, I would have had no idea until that moment, and could have bleed to death.
Mostly though, instead of being scared, I'm deeply sad.
Last week I happened to watch a show where they were talking about how to overcome times of grief. There was a couple that was on the show that talked about how they lost all over their children in a car accident. The children were all under 6. They talked about how they just had to, and still have to, just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. I thought about that when I was in the hospital recovery room. I hadn't moved from my bed at all, and the doctor came in to check on me and encouraged me to get up and try moving around. Honestly, I didn't want to. I wanted to just lie there, I really didn't want to do anything. I had lost everything inside me that willed me to do anything. But I did get up. And I did put one foot in front of the other. It may seem so simple, but it's hard to even do that. But that's what it takes to keep going on.